God Wants You to Love Yourself

"Dear God. Help me love myself the way You love me."

Never did I think I would ever pray such a prayer in my life. I have struggled with self-love for a very long time because I always thought it was selfish to love myself. However, it took several failures, tears, and a conference to help me to realise how important it is.

I am currently in my final months at the school I am attending and the pressure is intensifying. Exams, assignments, college, and expectations are the burdens on the backs of many members of my year group. Everyone seeks to exceed expectations causing extreme stress and fatigue. Usually, in such moments, God uses me to encourage others but this time, I am the one who needed encouragement.

I was burnt out. I was slowly giving up on my academics, got easily frustrated and I was constantly troubled. I compared myself to others which killed the little joy and confidence I had. I doubted the validity of my work for God and went in cycles of more and more frustration because I was not doing as well as I thought I could. I often told my friends that I was in a downward spiral of misery that I was not sure how to get out of.

That was until this week.

My school runs an annual conference called the African Leadership Academy Model African Union (ALAMAU). Every March, hundreds of students from various schools and countries flock at Indaba Hotel in Johannesburg to deliberate and discuss the continent's pressing issues, much like the African Union. I was tasked to lead the Press Corps Department by reporting and publishing all news content through newspapers and blogs. Leading up to the conference, I struggled to meet my deliverables due to my own personal issues. However, God, in His most interesting harmonies, used my mistakes to teach me about self-love.

There were a plethora of lessons I learnt but three key things stood out:

1) You are fully known and loved by God. During the conference, I made plenty of mistakes and I was often unsure of what I was doing. This caused me to be seen as inefficient and ineffective. I was obviously upset about this but there was one phrase God told me that I will never forget: "Katai, I know you because I made you with My own hands."

Most times, we wait for external approval to validate our worth. But what happens when you do things that are not publically approved and applauded? Where will your love come from? The first step to loving yourself is knowing that you don't need people's approval to be loved and recognised because God already does. He knows your flaws and is more than willing to help you in your deepest weaknesses if you entrust them to Him.

2) Never compare yourself to others. Being at the conference is tasking. Everyone is always running around delivering this and that. As I sat down at my computer editing articles, I always admired people who were visibly seen running around. I began to compare my team to the media team, then to other individuals. In my comparison, I always fell short and became discouraged to continue working. However, due to the heavy demands of my job and the fact that I was leading a team, I literally had no time to wallow in self-pity. I was forced to believe in myself. I was forced to believe that I was making the best and meaningful contribution I could. And surely, it turned out that way.

We live in a competitive and ambitious world. Everyone is striving to outdo one another and often times, we get caught in the spirit of comparison. But beloved of God, do not compare yourself to the next person! You are uniquely crafted and designed and there are certain things only you can do because God built you that way. Appreciate the most minute details about yourself and seek to become the best version of yourself, everyday. You cannot compare nor complete someone else's destiny. However, you can focus on your own and better yourself daily!

3) Encourage yourself. In the busy hubbub of life, it is very easy to get discouraged. Either things never go the way you planned, you make mistakes or you see someone doing much better than you. This personally affected me at ALAMAU. I had gotten in a constant habit of recapping on my past failures and discouraging myself. In such moments, I would run to my closest friend to pray but now I was alone and too busy to cry. It was at this moment that I had to encourage myself in God's word and that was where my greatest strength was.  

Whilst we do have people around us to pick us up, there will be days where you have to encourage yourself in God's Word. The reason why we read the Bible is not only to know God but to build up stores of His word in us draw on any time. Stop waiting for someone to encourage you and commend you: encourage yourself. Be your own number one fan and in due time, you will receive God's joy that could not be earned by any human applause or accolade.

As I sit here writing and reflecting, I wonder whether I have broken out of the dangerous cycle of low-self esteem. I cannot fully say so but this is a start. Self-love looks glamorous and sounds wise but it is not easily applied or built. It will take moments like these, where all you have is God and yourself, to bring it out. Like a wildflower growing through the rocks, self-love is a tough, lifelong process but not impossible to attain.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem or you are finding it hard to forgive yourself of your past mistakes, remember that Jesus forgave all your mistakes on the cross of Calvary 2000 years ago. He wants to take your mistakes and overwhelm them with His wonderful grace if you let Him. Return to Him. He wants you back. 

If you are wondering whether it is right to love yourself or do not know how to, I pray that this post may guide you. I am no expert at love: Jesus is. If you are willing to follow His leading, He will take you through the best journey of love you have ever experienced.

Guide. Light. Inspire